Love, Sex, & Dating: Increasing Intimacy

Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, the Bible has so much for us to learn together as we continue our Love, Sex, & Dating series on the Song of Solomon! See, Solomon is considered the WISEST man in history – so his model in this Old Testament book is one for us to follow even in our modern relationships! This week, we’re taking a deeper look on how we can Increase Intimacy in our relationships… and first up, through the Scripture in Song of Solomon, God shows us that in order to develop healthy relationships, our standard of beauty needs to be authentic.

From Dating To Depth

In chapter 2 of Song of Solomon, we meet Solomon and his wife as their relationship begins to grow from dating to depth.¬†See,¬†healthy relationships don’t just grow on their own… but intentionally build. Verse 2:10 shows us that Solomon was a MAN WITH A PLAN, who invited his beloved to leave her home and come with him as their relationship began to blossom. Guys, women LOVE a man with a plan… and today, having confidence and an intentional game-plan to grow a relationship from dating to depth is still key to increasing intimacy

In verse 2:14, Solomon calls his woman his “dove in the clefts of the rock”. Here, he describes a rock dove, which is a timid bird that typically nests in the clefts of the rocks in the Judean desert. Men, this paints a picture for us that you need to gently draw your the soul of your woman out as you increase intimacy, like the gentle dove she is, with your kind words and tender heart. You can do this by diving deeper in your conversations… moving past the cliche and beyond exchanging information to the honest, uncensored sharing of your feelings! Then, the next step to increase intimacy is to move from pursuit to protection.

Pursuit To Protection

You know a relationship is maturing when spending time with your partner creates a feeling of safety and security in their presence. In Song of Solomon 2:4, Solomon’s wife states that Solomon’s “banner over me is love.” What does she mean here? See, in Old Testament times, a military banner was actually used during war to indicate who was under the King’s protection on the battlefield. Likewise, as Solomon entered the public places with his date, he waves his banner over her in chivalrous acts so she doesn’t just feel pursued… but PROTECTED by him!

Today, you can create a sense of security like Solomon did by going public as you date. Why? Because it gives the people you trust – and who know you best – the chance to give you objective feedback. See, going public with your relationship isn’t actually risky… It can be a safeguard to protect your relationship!

Now, if you are dating today, it’s very important that your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you feel safe and secure. Let me be clear here: If you experience ANY ABUSE in your dating relationship, you need to GET OUT of that relationship as fast as possible. The Bible has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to abuse – whether it’s physical, emotional or verbal. Abuse is detestable in God’s sign, so if you are in a relationship where you don’t feel safe, you are not called to be your partner’s Savior… that’s Jesus’ job! Take this pastoral advice, and get out now.

For all the married folks, maybe you don’t feel like you have the kind of depth and intimacy in your marriage that Solomon is talking about in this chapter. Maybe you feel like the sparks have gone out… But you know what? It’s never too late to start increasing intimacy! God wants to breathe new life into your relationship. Will you take a step towards trusting him as you increase intimacy with your spouse today?