Within the church, you’ll often hear, “Don’t have sex before marriage,” and that’s usually as far as the conversation goes. However, there is a lot of missing information for Christians when the conversation ends here. We believe the culture has hijacked the conversation about sex, and it’s time for God to claim it back! See, God didn’t originally intend for sex to be seen as something dirty, evil or shameful. In fact, sex was divinely made by our Creator, and given as a gift from God to His children, for their enjoyment within the context of marriage.
In reference to Christian marriages, Mark 10:7-8 says "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." The word "joined" that Jesus uses here has three layers of meaning. There's the physical joining through sex. There is emotional joining through intimacy, nakedness and vulnerability. Lastly, there is spiritual joining through the marriage covenant.
In Pastor Michael Todd's book Relationship Goals, he uses the term "Soul Ties" to describe what happens spiritually when two people join together as one in marriage. However, when people come together through sex outside of marriage, those souls get tangled up. With sex, it's not just bodies that get tied up - it's mind, will and emotions too. Even with pornography, pictures burn in your brain, and they create soul ties that harm the user.
GOD'S PLAN FOR SEX IN MARRIAGE
The truth is, our culture makes it feel like God is holding out when it comes to sex. But, God's plan for sex is one for our enjoyment without shame or regrets. His plan is this: One God. One man. One woman. One marriage. One sex partner. One flesh. For one lifetime.
Hebrews 13:4 says "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral". Honestly, you can't wrap up your soul and pretend your spirit is unaffected. God gave you one heart - and said above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). So what does define "safe" sex in marriage? Check out these characteristics of sex the way God intended for it to be:
Sacred: God intended for sex to take place only within the sacred, spiritual covenant of marriage.
Anointed: When you hold back on sex until marriage, you get God's approval and blessing. This anoints the joining of two as one.
Faithful: What if God was as faithful to us as we have been to some of our partners? God calls us not only to sexual faithfulness within marriage, but emotional faithfulness, too.
Exclusive: This takes us back to God's plan for One God. One man. One woman. One marriage. One sex partner. One flesh. For one lifetime. Sex is exclusive.
If you want to sever the Soul Ties of entanglement outside of marriage that you may be experiencing in your life, you can cut those ties today. Start by taking aggressive action to neutralize the obstacle that keeps tripping you up. Confess your sin and come to God for healing. Last, cast your sins and anxieties on Christ. Because of what Jesus did on the Cross, you are no longer a slave to your desires. Surrender your sexuality to Jesus: He won't condemn you. He loves you. He died for you. And he will meet you where you are today, giving you new desires to live a holy life for His glory!